Ask a Mexican

Oh what fun. There is a witty column in the OC Weekly called Ask a Mexican. That's right. The columnist, Gustavo Arellano, was recently interviewed on public radio. His father came to the U.S. illegally, hidden in the trunk of a Chevy. Now his father is against illegal immigration. Who says Mexicans don't assimilate?

An amusing exchange from Ask a Mexican:

Dear Mexican,

Why do Mexicans steal fruit from trees that aren’t theirs? At my job a tree hangs over the wall, and they climb for the fruit.

-With a Chiquita Banana Between His Legs

Dear Gabacho,

Nothing—not walls, the brutal sun, or lack of bathroom breaks and potable water—will stop a Mexican from picking fruits and vegetables. It’s Pavlovian, Chiquita Banana: if a Mexican sees an apple, they climb the tree and pick it. Strawberries? Kneel down and pull. What you should be concerned about is the looming crop crisis predicted in the Dec. 5 business section of the Los Angeles Times. A story that day reported that Western Growers, an Irvine-based trade group whose members grow 90 percent of the nation’s winter crops, will only fill half of the 50,000 field hand positions they need this season thanks to our country’s tightening immigration policies. “Come January, we could see lettuce rotting in the fields because there will be no one to pick it,” one El Centro grower fretted to Times reporter Jerry Hirsch. So make sure to thank the next Mexican who steals lemons or potatoes from your yard, Chiquita Banana: the fruit or vegetable that Mexican steals means one less illegal immigrant big business needs.